Behind the Eye Rolls and Missed Deadlines: How to Support Your Teen’s Executive Function Skills at Home
- Catriona M
- Apr 26, 2025
- 9 min read
Updated: Jun 7, 2025
In my previous post, we explored 10 behaviours that might signal your teen is struggling with executive function challenges. Recognizing the signs of executive dysfunction is just the beginning. The real magic happens when we step in with the right tools, strategies, and support. Here's how you can work with your teen to turn struggles into growth.
Summary
Executive function skills help teens plan, prioritize, start tasks, manage time, regulate emotions, and stay organized.
These are teachable skills. Like riding a bike, they can be learned with the right strategies, practice, encouragement, and patience.
Many teens, especially those with ADHD or anxiety, need extra support developing these skills.
There are several steps parents can use to support their teen in developing their executive function weaknesses.
Real-life examples help parents understand how to support their teen in a collaborative, strength-based, and compassionate way.
Building Executive Function Skills: You and Your Teen Are a Team
Executive function skills aren’t just about getting things done—they’re about helping teens take ownership of their lives with confidence, resilience, and pride.
Managing time, regulating emotions, staying organized, starting (and finishing!) tasks—these are skills every teen can learn, no matter where they’re starting from. And they don’t have to do it alone.
With encouragement, the right strategies, and lots of patience, you can support your teen in strengthening the executive function skills they need–not just for school, but for life.
In my previous blog post, “Is it Laziness—or Executive (Dys)Function? 10 Clues Your Teen Is Struggling with More Than Motivation,” we talked about how executive dysfunction shows up at home and school—and why recognizing the difference matters.
When you understand your teen’s unique executive function profile—their strengths, stretches, and growth areas—you’re in a powerful position to offer support that is targeted, compassionate, and effective.
This guide is your next step. The 10-step framework below will help you co-create a skill-building plan with your teen, not for them—because partnership builds trust, ownership, and lasting change.
Change doesn’t happen overnight. But with consistent support, practice, and encouragement, your teen can—and will—grow. You are the steady hand on the handlebars as they learn to ride, the cheerleader on the sidelines as they practice new moves.
Together, you’re building the skills that will carry them forward with confidence.
Let’s get started!
How You Can Support Your Teen's Executive Function Skills At Home
Step 1: Pick one executive function skill to work on––don’t try to fix everything at once.
Our tendency, as parents, is to want to “fix it” all. You see the impact of your teen's behaviour and choices. And, given your life experience, you also know that if they just did X, Y, and Z that their problem(s) would be solved.
Unfortunately, our advice is not always welcomed. So, in this case, less is more. Your teen is more likely to respond positively to your support if you focus on one skill at a time.
This makes the intervention realistic (not too hard or too easy), manageable (not overwhelming or too complex), and achievable (they can do it).
"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." This proverb suggests the importance of taking initial steps, no matter how small, as they will lead to significant change and progress over time. Just as executive function skills can be developed one step-at-a-time.
Step 2: Talk when things are calm––not during a meltdown or argument.
Remember the 'fight, flight or freeze response' to stress? Your teen's ability to process new information or think rationally (use their 'learning brain') becomes compromised when they feel mentally and/or emotionally overwhelmed.
Give them time to soothe their nervous system first by doing something they love (e.g., listen to music, play with the dog, go for a walk, connect with friends). This will set you both up for success, fostering mutual respect.
Step 3: Share what you notice––explain kindly what you’ve seen and how it’s affecting them.
Your teen's desire for independence is hard-wired and tied to adolescent brain development. During puberty, they are also wrestling with their identity––testing out who they want to be. These factors, along with increased emotional reactivity, make them sensitive to feedback.
When you share your observations using kind, objective language––free of blame, shame or guilt––you set a positive tone for the conversation. Make sure to get consent about sharing your observations.
Your teen is more likely to trust and respect your perspectives when they feel seen and supported.
Step 4: Explain what helps you––tell them what strategies you use to manage the same skill.
Being transparent with your own struggles and the impact your weaknesses have on your life makes you relatable. This can reduce resistence and make your teen more receptive to your ideas.
Sharing the strategies or tools you use to help you manage your weakness also helps your teen understand that success is something that you work for (vs. occurring naturally because you're an adult) and can come more easily if you have the right systems and supports in place.
Step 5: Say why it helps––share how the strategy makes your life easier or better.
Teens are more likely to buy in when they understand the why behind a decision or action. Discussing how your strategies make a difference for you provides hope for your teen. They see how a small action can have a positive impact.
Talking about the why also helps him/her see the value and benefit of trying something new.
Step 6: Make sure they agree––get their okay to try a plan.
Getting consent is vital. We have all been in the situation when someone gave us unasked for advice. It feels cringy and disrespectful.
Check in with your teen. Acknowledge that the plan was your idea, not theirs. Ask their opinion––"What do you think about trying something new? Coming up with a plan to help you better manage X and feel X?"
Step 7: Come up with ideas together—brainstorm ways they can try something new to get a different result.
Start by inviting your teen to reflect on what might work best for them. Wait for their response. And, wait some more, if needed.
We naturally want our teens to succeed so we have the tendency to jump in and solve their problems for them. When we give them time to connect to their inner wisdom, many teens know what one or two action(s) they could take that would make a difference.
If your teen struggles to come up with their own ideas, be prepared to suggest two or three possibilities for them to choose from. Encourage them to take what they like from your brainstorm and leave the rest.
This keeps the solution in their hands. They feel more in control.
Step 8: Write it down––put the plan on a sticky note and place it where they’ll see it.
Sticky notes are fabulous! They force us to keep plans short and to the point. The plan should have no more than three actions.
Remember, we want the plan to feel achievable and manageable for your teen. It's their plan. And, we want the actions to become internalized, so fewer steps is better.
Discuss where to place the sticky note. Post it in a place where they'll see it. This keeps the plan on their radar.
Step 9: Help them get more independent—support them at first, then let them take over when they are ready.
Shifting habits or acquiring new ones is not always easy. It takes time and patience. Let your teen know that you are there for them. Ask their permission to check in or remind them for the first few days to help them get started.
Inform them that you will step back as the habit becomes more internalized and he/she successfully follows the plan independently.
This collaborative approach can lead to more effective outcomes and empower your teen to feel like they can do this.
Step 10: Acknowledge all attempts––celebrate progress not perfection.
Change is not easy. Notice and acknowledge what your teen is doing successfully that is moving them towards greater independence. It's not about executing the plan perfectly. It's about making small shifts in habits.
Recognizing their attempts is important for maintaining motivation, reinforcing positive behaviour, and fostering a growth mindset.
Celebrating their progress, even small steps, helps build confidence and reinforces the idea that change is achievable.
If, after a few days, you notice your teen is having a hard time following through, ask if they are open to adjusting the plan. Avoidance or struggle are signs that the plan may be too ambitious. Help them break down the steps even further.
An Example: Supporting Maya with Task Initiation and Planning
Let's put the steps into action using an example.
Maya, a 15-year-old high school student, has been struggling with starting her homework. Despite having enough time after school, she often delays starting assignments until late at night or the day before they’re due. Her parents notice rising stress levels, late-night tears, and missing assignments. They’ve tried reminding her, offering rewards, and even taking away her phone, but nothing seems to work long-term. They are concerned as her grades are dropping.
Step 1: Choose one executive function skill to focus on
Maya’s parents decide to focus on task initiation, knowing this is a core challenge that’s affecting her overall academic performance and emotional well-being.
Step 2: Choose a neutral time to talk
On a Saturday afternoon, while walking the dog together, Maya’s mum asks if they can talk about something she’s noticed.
Step 3: Share observations gently and without shame
Her mum says, “I’ve noticed that it’s really hard for you to start your homework after school. You often seem overwhelmed, and I see how stressed you get when things pile up.
I wonder if we can talk about it? I'm curious to know what's going on for you.”
Step 4: Share your own experience and strategy
Her mum continues, “I actually struggle with starting big work projects, too. What helps me is breaking them down into small steps.
I also use a timer to get started—I’ll set it for 10 minutes and just begin. It’s not perfect, but it gets me going.”
Step 5: Explain why the strategy works for you
She adds, “Once I take that first step, it’s way easier to keep going. I feel less anxious, and I’m proud of myself for starting instead of putting it off. That helps me stay calm and focused.”
Step 6: Get consent
Maya's Mum asks, "Would it be okay, if we figure out a plan together?"
Step 7: Brainstorm possible strategies together
Maya admits that starting is the hardest part because the work feels too big. Together, they brainstorm small changes:
Make a checklist of homework right after school.
Choose one subject to start with.
Use the “10-minute rule” (just start for 10 minutes).
Set up a “study playlist” to cue homework time.
Maya picks two: using the 10-minute rule and creating a checklist.
Step 8: Write the plan down and make it visible
Her mum writes the two strategies on a Post-it note. They agree to stick it on Maya's desk lamp.
Step 9: Support increasing independence
Her mum asks, “Are you okay if I check in with you for the first few days—just to help get it going?” Maya nods, saying, “Yeah, that would actually help.”
Over the next week, her mum checks in briefly at the start of homework time, then steps back.
By the third week, Maya is doing it independently. She even adds a reward for herself: if she starts homework on time all week, she gets Friday evening phone-free (no homework stress to worry about!).
Step 10: Acknowledge small steps
As Maya begins to take increased ownership for starting her homework after school, making her checklist, and using a timer to focus her work period.
Her Mum comments on the changes she observes. "I noticed that you got started on your homework as soon as you got home from school today. I see that you have been checking off your tasks as you complete them. That must make you proud of yourself."
The Outcome?
Maya builds confidence, reduces stress, and begins her homework routine more consistently—with less parental prompting.
Why This Matters?
Collaborative conversations build mutual understanding, empathy, and respect.
By gaining consent, sharing your personal experiences, engaging purposefully to promote change, making small shifts in habits, and offering the right support, you lay the foundation for a stronger, more connected relationship with your teen.
Executive function skills take time to develop. Growth isn’t always linear—so give both your teen and yourself plenty of grace and self-compassion as you navigate new strategies together, especially around long-standing struggles.
When you follow these ten steps, you're not just solving immediate challenges—you’re setting your teen (and yourself) up for long-term success. You truly can say goodbye to the endless eye-rolls and missed deadlines.
By focusing on one skill at a time, change becomes possible—and achievable.
When you collaboratively make a plan and gradually release your support, you create a safe space for your teen to take risks, build trust in themselves, and experience real wins.
And every small win matters. Each success helps reframe your teen’s self-perception: what once felt overwhelming begins to feel manageable, even doable. Confidence grows, and with it, a stronger sense of agency, hope, and pride.
Ready to support your teen’s growth?
Small steps lead to big changes. Grab your free parent guide, with real-world examples, and worksheet to start building your teen’s executive function skills today!
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