Is It Laziness—or Executive (dys)Function? 10 clues that your teen is struggling with more than just motivation

Summary:

• It is easy to identify behaviours that signal weak executive function at home and at school, including: procrastination, poor time management, disorganization, difficulty with prioritization, forgetfulness, impulsivity, inflexibility, emotional control, trouble with task completion, and lack of self-monitoring.

• Executive dysfunction can have a significant impact on your teen’s academic, social, and emotional well-being.

• It can also impact the relationship you have with your teen, leading to increased arguments, power struggles, and tension.

• The good news? Challenges with executive function are common among teens but these skills can be learned and strengthened!

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Teens' behaviour can presents as apathy, laziness, or disengagement. But there are underlying reasons, like executive dysfunction or emotions like fear, anxiety or shame that impact their choices, actions, and responses.

Why executive dysfunction in teens is often mistaken for laziness

Executive function is the brain’s ability to organize thoughts, manage tasks, make decisions, and regulate focus. It plays a major role in teens' school success, mental well-being, and ability to form healthy relationships.

Challenges with executive function––or executive dysfunction––is common in teens. Mainly because their brains are still maturing. The pre-frontal cortex responsible for decision-making, impulse control, and rationale thinking is still under construction.

The limbic system, the emotional centre of the brain which regulates hormones and emotions, is also developing. These brain functions influence teens’ desire for independence and their tendency towards emotional reactivity.

Parents want to help their teen manage the demands of high school with a part-time job, healthy relationships, and/or extra-curricular activities, but their well-meaning involvement may be perceived as interference or trigger defensiveness, resistance or withdrawal. These responses put strain on the parent-teen relationship.

Once children reach adolescence, we assume that they should be able to solve problems effectively and get things done by themselves. So, we get frustrated that they are always late for school despite our nagging. Upset when they forget to feed the dog after several reminders. Concerned when their report card doesn't measure up to their potential. Tired of homework battles. Worried if they will be able to live independently in the future.

We often attribute teen's lack of follow through and underperformance to motivation (or lack of it)––they are just lazy. We believe that if they just got their act together, every thing would be fine. But many of these behaviours reflect a weakness in executive function.

So how do you tease out whether your teen's behaviour is a result of normal adolescent development or executive dysfunction?

The answer depends on a number of factors, including the:

• frequency of the behaviours;

• extent to which they impact your teen's life across environments (school, home, social situations) and/or how deeply they impact one or more life areas;

• amount of support your teen needs to successfully manage their daily life;

• whether or not your teen has other underlying conditions such as ADHD, learning disabilities, autism, or mental health challenges like anxiety or depression.

Identifying your teen's executive function strengths and weaknesses is the first step in helping them navigate their daily life with greater confidence and ease. Use the following clues to help you learn more about your teen's executive function profile.

Download a copy of the Executive Dysfunction Checklist to use with the blog 👇

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10 Clues Your Teen is Struggling with Executive Dysfunction

1. Procrastination or Avoidance

What it looks like:

At Home:

• Takes hours to start homework or tidy their room, even after multiple reminders.

• Avoids chores or things they don’t really want to do.

• May put things off until the last minute.

• Difficulty motivating themselves to start a task that seems challenging or boring.

At School:

• Struggles to get started on in-class assignments or group projects and often runs out of time.

• Doesn’t use class time wisely to complete work.

• Rushes to complete work which reduces the quality.

The Impact:

Teen:

• Feels overwhelmed, anxious, and frustrated with themselves for not starting earlier

• Guilt and self-doubt creep in.

Parent:

• Feels frustrated.

• Worries the teen is lazy or unmotivated.

• Tension builds as reminders turn into nagging, which strains the relationship. They often feel like a “broken record”.

Procrastination is an emotional response associated with a task (usually non-preferred). It’s a way of coping with negative feelings such as boredom, uncertainty, overwhelm, and fear.

2. Poor Time Management

What it looks like:

Home:

• Says they have “plenty of time” to get ready but ends up missing the bus or running late for family events.

• May focus too long on one thing.

• Easily distracted by technology, social media or friends, which can hinder productivity.

• Can be overly busy so important tasks don’t get done.

School:

• Underestimates how long homework or studying will take and submits work late or incomplete.

  
  

The Impact:

Teen:

• Constantly rushing or feeling behind creates stress, overwhelm, and a sense of failure.

Parent:

• Ends up micromanaging or rushing to help them catch up, which is exhausting and leads to resentment.

Poor time management is the inability to effectively plan and carry out tasks within the given time which leads to missed deadlines and increased stress.

3. Disorganization

What it looks like:

At Home:

• Bedroom is a disaster zone—can’t find anything, even important things like chargers or forms.

• Doesn’t have a clear system for managing belongings or completing tasks. Regularly loses track of belongings.

• Often forgets to put things back where they go when they’ve finished using them.

At School:

• Backpack is overflowing with crumpled papers, assignments get lost, and materials are misplaced.

• Frequently jumps from one task to another in a haphazard way and often without finishing any of them.

The Impact:

Teen:

• Feels out of control and discouraged when they can’t find things or lose marks for missing work.

Parent:

• Feels helpless or drained, spending time and energy locating items or replacing lost things.

A cluttered and messy environment can make it difficult to focus and be productive. Teens often need support developing systems to keep their clothes, school items, and personal belongings organized.

4. Difficulty Prioritizing

What it looks like:

At Home:

• Spends hours making the perfect playlist or scrolling online instead of tackling pressing chores or homework.

• When faced with a long list of tasks, has trouble deciding what tasks to start first, which leads to indecision or inaction.

• Prioritizes responsibilities or commitments to others while ignoring self-care and personal well-being.

At School:

• Focuses on small, low-priority tasks like watching the basketball game after school instead of studying for an upcoming test or completing a big project.

The Impact:

Teen:

• Experiences pressure, last-minute panic and low confidence when they run out of time for important tasks.

• Responses tend to be reactive instead of proactive.

Parent:

• Gets frustrated arguing over choices or trying to explain what “should come first,” which can lead to power struggles.

Indecision can make it challenging to prioritize. Everything seems important. This self-imposed pressure is difficult to manage so teens who struggle with prioritization often respond by doing nothing, expending energy on unimportant things, or try to do everything.

5. Forgetfulness

What it looks like:

At Home:

• Regularly forgets to walk the dog, take out the garbage, or bring lunch to school.

• Says, “I’ll do it later” and then forgets about it.

• Has difficulty following instructions or remembering details of conversations or what you just told them.

• Can’t remember where they put personal items like keys, phone or sports equipment.

At School:

• Forgets test dates, deadlines, or even to turn in assignments that are completed.

• May struggle to remember instructions or what they learned the previous class.

The Impact:

Teen:

• May feel shame or beat themselves up for letting people down.

• Can lead to low self-esteem and confidence.

Parent:

• Grows tired of constant reminders.

• Begins to worry about their teen’s future independence—will they graduate, go to university, be able to get and hold down a job?

There are many causes of forgetfulness in teens, including lack of sleep, multi-tasking, and stress. Memory lapses are aggravating and frustrating but many are treatable with simple shifts in habits.

6. Impulsivity

What it looks like:

At Home:

• Interrupts family conversations, blurts out responses or says things without thinking that might seem rude or inappropriate.

• Often has challenges waiting their turn.

• Makes rash decisions or engages in risky behaviour without considering the consequences or dangers.

• Has trouble delaying gratification.

• May struggle with impulsive spending or other engage in other impulsive actions.

At School:

• Blurts out answers, talks over others, or rushes through assignments without reviewing.

• Gets in trouble for talking too much in class.

• Struggles with focusing, paying attention to details, and following directions. Assignments may be incomplete.

The Impact:

Teen:

• May face social consequences like conflict with siblings or obstracizing from peers.

• Feels embarrassed, stressed or anxious.

• May have difficulty sleeping.

• Grades may be poor.

Parent:

• May feel embarrassed or unsure how to discipline without shaming.

• Struggles to teach appropriate self-control or to find calm, consistent strategies.

Impulsivity is the tendency to act or speak without thinking of the consequences. There is nothing on your mind except the here and now. All of teens engage in impulsive behaviour from time-to-time. The key is to become more self-aware of how their actions or words impact others and to self-regulate their behaviour.

7. Inflexibility / Rigidity

What it looks like:

At Home:

• Melts down when plans change (e.g., dinner is late or a friend cancels). Has difficulty accepting others’ ideas.

• Argues repeatedly.

• Struggles to adapt to changes in routine. Has trouble switching from one activity to another.

• Demonstrates a need for sameness and order.

At School:

• Has a hard time adjusting to a Teacher-on-Call or a new Educational Assistant, seating change, or unexpected schedule shift.

• May fixate on rules.

• Struggles to consider alternative perspectives or approaches.

• Has trouble with open-ended homework assignments (e.g., how to solve a problem, what to write when given a creative writing assignment).

The Impact:

Teen:

• Experiences frustration or anxiety, or panics when things don’t go as expected.

• Peer relationships and interactions are often challenging.

Parent:

• Walks on eggshells trying to keep things predictable to avoid conflict or emotional blowups.

• Feels like they must “keep the peace” at all times.

Inflexible thinking makes it challenging to adjust one's thinking, actions, and perspectives in response to new information or changing circumstances. It is the opposite of cognitive flexibility.

8. Emotional Control

What it looks like:

At Home:

• Overreacts to small things like being asked to do a chore or being told “No.” Has a short fuse.

• Gets angry or frustrated suddenly when things don’t go their way.

• May lash out verbally or physically, yell or throw objects.

• Moods change quickly.

At School:

• Has outbursts in class or shuts down emotionally when work is too hard, confusing or takes too long to finish.

The Impact:

Teen:

• May feel frustration, regret, ashamed or misunderstood, with emotions taking over logic.

• Feels powerless like they have no control over what happens or what they say.

Parent:

• Feels confused or overwhelmed by the intensity of reactions, unsure how to respond or support without escalating.

As a result of significant brain development, hormonal fluctuations, and social/environmental factors such as academic pressure, social challenges, and family dynamics, adolescents may have a harder time regulating their emotions or experience heightened emotional reactivity.

9. Trouble with Task Completion

What it looks like:

At Home:

Starts tidying their room or doing laundry but leaves it half-done.

Daydreams or ‘spaces out’ when they should be paying attention.

Has difficulty setting aside fun activities to start homework or non-preferred activities.

Needs many reminders to start or finish chores.

At School:

• Begins projects with enthusiasm but runs out of steam and doesn’t finish them or turns in work missing key parts.

• Has trouble getting started on work—everything seems like it requires too much effort.

The Impact:

Teen:

• Loses confidence.

• May feel like a failure and lose motivation to even try.

Parent:

• Gets caught in the cycle of constant reminding or finishing tasks themselves to avoid consequences.

Mental effort is the thinking or mental processing required to complete a task. For some teens it also involves the perception of how challenging or demanding a task is. Mental effort can vary according to the task.

10. Lack of Self-Monitoring

What it looks like:

At Home:

• Unaware of when they’re talking too much or too loud, being rude or repetitive or being insensitive to a sibling.

• Doesn’t evaluate their performance of tasks (or skills) while they’re doing them, nor adjust when needed to increase success.

At School:

• Has trouble “reading the room”––doesn’t pick up on cues from teachers or peers that it’s time to focus or change behavior.

• Unaware of how behaviour affects others.

• Rarely checks over work for mistakes even when the stakes are high, like exams or final assignments.

The Impact:

Teen:

• Struggles socially and may feel isolated or rejected without understanding why.

• Confused at poor marks or results.

Parent:

• Worries their teen is lacking social awareness or emotional intelligence, which can be heartbreaking to watch.

A lack of self-monitoring can impact academic and social success. Teens who don't self-monitor are less likely to change their behaviour to fit in because they are not aware of the social cues being given off around them. Or, they may not monitor their understanding of what they hear or read which impacts their performance.

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Why it matters? Knowledge is empowering

You can see from the clues above that executive dysfunction impacts your teen’s daily life in significant ways. It can affect their academic success, peer relationships, family dynamics, independence, and perceptions of self including self-esteem, self-worth, and self-confidence.

Having a deeper understanding of what and why your teen is struggling builds empathy for what they are going through. This compassion will help you be more patient when they have trouble following through with requests or they avoid taking ownership for their missed assignments. It will allow you to respond to their behaviours in pro-active ways rather than reactive ones.

Pinpointing your teen's executive function strengths and weaknesses helps you develop a deeper understanding of their specific needs so you can tailor your support accordingly.

For example, if your teen struggles with procrastination, you can empathize with them and suggest a strategy that might help them get started on their homework: "I understand that homework can feel overwhelming. Would you be open to one or two suggestions to make it feel more manageable? What if we created a 'to do' list for today's homework and I sat and worked beside you? I know when I sit and work with colleagues, I'm much more focused and productive."

Being able to recognize areas of executive dysfunction, will also enable you to create greater self-awareness in your teen. You can demystify their struggles. You can reassure them that their challenges are not related to motivation, a lack of intelligence or a character flaw; that they are more likely related to their teenage brain development and weak executive function skills.

This shift in perspective will empower your teen. It will allow them look at their challenges in a new light and reframe how they see themself. It might also help them have more self-compassion and be more willing to talk to you about what's going for them.

You can also share the good news. Just like learning to ride a bike, executive function skills can be learned and strengthened with the right support, patience, and practice. Good executive function isn’t about chance or willpower—it’s about skill-building.

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What's next?

If this post struck a chord, you're not alone! Many parents gain clarity around their teen's struggles when they look at them through the lens of executive function.

Want to understand what’s really behind your teen’s overwhelm—and how you can help. Grab your free copy of Is it laziness or executive dysfunction? A Parent's Reflective Toolkit to better understand what's holding your teen back and how you can help! 👇

Download Your Executive Dysfunction Reflective Toolkit